Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Give My Regards To Mesrop Mashtots Avenue

I learned some valuable lessons yesterday.

Number One: Don't call out for a lawyer on a blog. They don't call back.

I also learned that for all my reticence about getting into the industry in the past, I relatively quickly can psych myself into bluffing my way into being a film producer.

Late last week, an acquaintance (let's call him George) asked a contact of mine if he knew anyone that had any horror scripts. Seems George's LA partner was meeting with a group of potential investors (from Armenia, of all places) and wanted to shop some horror projects to them. My contact called me and I forwarded my script "Brother's Keeper" over to him to have George read. Since George is an experienced music video director and his partner is reportedly a producer, my contact and I both assumed George intended to shop the script with himself or his partner producing.

Nope. Turns out they just wanted to shop a full production package to the Armenians. George at some point, in fact, asked my contact for a top sheet for my script, and my contact shrugged and asked what that was. Then my contact asked me for a top sheet. I asked what that was. Then I realized they were looking for a coverage sheet, and afterward George asked my contact for a budget breakdown.

This was spiraling northward of silly now, as far as I was concerned. Why would this guy think a writer would prepare these things when every serious screenwriting resource says not to, just like scene numbers and cast lists. That's for a production manager to do, not a writer. Plus, this wasn't even a script I intended to shop. I had some years ago considered sending an earlier draft off to an established Canadian producer at a friend's suggestion (the producer was shooting a film set in a hospital, "Brother's Keeper" is also set in a hospital), but the script was in bad shape then after a massive revision, so I declined (regrets...I've had a few...).

Meanwhile, at this stage I'd had no contact with George or any of his partners, no e-mail, no phone call, nothing. I was getting anxious because I'd sent the script off to them and had no paper trail to show for it. Finally, Sunday afternoon, as I was away from the computer finishing up any household tasks before the NFC Championship Game began, George e-mailed me. He didn't mention having read the script, but sent me a draft of a finder's agreement, naming them as the finder and me as the producer.

Producer? ME? I read this over and over after celebrating the Giants victory and burping my daughter. How can I be a producer, I'm sitting in a rental apartment with spit-up Similac on my sweatshirt.

The baby wouldn't sleep right away (she's a Giants fan and was wound up after the game), so I was awake an hour or so thinking about this agreement. This was bad communication, there's no way these guys could have thought I'd written up a proposal to make this movie. Had they simply called me directly, I'd have told them that.

But wait a minute, I began to think.

Why not? Why the hell can't I produce this myself?

The next morning was spent discussing the agreement with an attorney friend of mine. She's who I call before signing anything, so even though she's not an entertainment lawyer, I wanted to her to vet the agreement. The paper was solid (turns out it's a Litwak template), but the amount of the fee was bothering both of us.

They wanted ten percent of the money the investors would pay.

"Can you do this?" my friend the attorney asked. "Can you produce a movie?" She sounded like she was asking if I could scale the Chrysler Building barehanded.

"Why the hell not?" I replied. The truth was and is that alone, I could not. But, I have a friend who is currently directing his second feature. If he wouldn't or couldn't work on it with me, he could surely connect me with folks who could.

"But can you do it, is this something you would want to do?"

Note to self: It might be time to start introducing myself to new friends as a filmmaker. Having to explain to people that know me that I am more than just a fun guy to talk to at parties and the guy to ask about buying a new computer is a pain in the ass.

My attorney did some checking around and I Googled myself into oblivion (go ahead and Google 'finder's fee film', then have fun sorting through the Jeff Probst links). The results we were finding said finder's fees were usually between three and eight percent, depending on the track record of the finder. These guys were trying this for the first time, it seems like, but they must be used to hearing Ari Gold talk about getting ten percent from Vinny Chase, I guess, because they were dead set against changing their minds. I told George ten percent is an agent's commission on a script sale, not a finder's fee on what would be a lot more money. It was no use. They wouldn't consider lower than ten.

I was really disturbed by this when I read a quote from an entertainment lawyer online saying that for budgets over $10 million, finders fees were usually knocked down to 1 or 2 percent since most financial sources were unlikely to approve a higher finder's fee.

The investors, as quoted by George, were looking to spend $25 million.

It was ten percent or no agreement. Two point five million.

I wouldn't agree to it. I was desperate to talk to an entertainment lawyer, but these guys were saying the meeting was this afternoon, we need a signature now, can't sell your project without it...

And then they just kind of went away. Not with a bang or a whimper, but completely silently. There was no reply to my request that they reconsider the high finder's fee, not for my sake, but because it would hurt the budget immensely and because it wasn't the customary amount. I told them I could appreciate their hope to be compensated well, but I argued we had a better chance with the investors if it were five percent.

No reply.

Well, I thought, if they were meeting this afternoon, I guess they just shelved my project and tried to sell whatever else they had. C'est la guerre.

I e-mailed George this morning to ask where we were. I felt bad, like I should feel bad for killing a bum deal before it had a chance to explode in our faces. Plus, since my contact works with this guy all the time, I didn't want to hurt their relationship.

He replied this afternoon that he'd check to see if the investors were interested in just buying the script.

But I thought that meeting yesterday was the last chance to pitch them? And that the Armenians were flying out today? After the tick-tock drama of hocking each other over the agreement, this may still have a heartbeat.

Despite the bad communication, I might just try to get some coverage and a budget drawn up and let these guys or someone else try to shop it as a package rather than just a spec. Couldn't hurt.

But I'm not paying ten percent. The tiny producer in me is standing firm on five.

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